i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
