I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
