he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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