I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
