they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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