Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
