Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
