So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
