Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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