i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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