I love black thongs
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
