Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
