Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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