The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
