At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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