shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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