i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize