So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize