Can i not drive my cunt home
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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