i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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