don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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