a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
