we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
