So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
