I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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