I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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