She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
