Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
