I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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