fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My vagina is officially offended.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
