so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
