Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
