Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
tell me about the eggs
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
