wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
