Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Randomize