Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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