i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
