the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
