This is not my ceiling
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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