I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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