I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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