shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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