I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize