Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
