Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
