A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize