Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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