The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
