the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
