Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
