im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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