Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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