Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
