captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
