shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
operation have a gay friend backfired
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
