I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize