32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
