I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
