i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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