Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
