What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
