I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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