why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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