You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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