Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
