i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
