Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
