I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
