I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She even gives head with a lisp.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
