remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
