I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
