She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
