Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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