There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
