Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
