I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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