I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
