my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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