I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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