Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
