y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
