Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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