Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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