Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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