Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
