So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
