My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
