he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize