Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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