I can't breathe out the right side of my face
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's the barista slut.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
