i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
