We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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